Forgiving one another is hard. Especially because as we go through life, we will be offended, hurt, betrayed, and disappointed several times! The world is full of imperfect people, including you and I, and this imperfection grates on our relationships.
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
(Colossians 3:13, NIV)
As Jesus said, offense will come. But I certainly do not want to be one who holds on to every offense and grievance. It is a heavy burden to carry. Nursing an offense is hard work. Some of us nurse grudges like we would nurse a baby – you know, wake it up every now and then, refresh it, feed it, remember it, relive it and justify why we cannot forgive in our hearts over and over again. I know, because for a long time that was me. Grudges can be very demanding babies, I tell ya! Remember that whatever you tend, grows.
I haven’t been on earth very long, but I have seen a lot of relationships destroyed by unforgiveness. Families and marriages ripped apart by the unwillingness to let go of grudges and offense. My friend told me the story of her mother, who was still bitter and holding grudges against her father even though they had been married for over 50 years! She said her mother still talked about things that had happened early in their marriage and how she still struggled to forgive her dad.
What a burden to carry! What needless pain to bear!
Forgiving Others When It’s Hard
I was under the ferocious grip of this joy-destroying monster called unforgiveness at some point in my life. Someone hurt me deeply and I really struggled to forgive. Every morning I would wake up and remind my self about the hurt. I would remind myself why I was angry, relive every part of hurt, and how it made me feel. That made me get angry all over again. I would justify my actions and remind myself of why it was ‘too difficult’ to forgive. I would cry to God for vengeance and retribution. That was bondage! And it was exhausting! When you’re busy building an altar for your grudges where you pay homage often, you forget all the ways you have wronged others – because you are also imperfect. Thankfully, God set me free!
Forgiving is not easy, but it is liberating. We can’t do this by ourselves – let God bring healing into your heart. Cry out to Him for grace to forgive and let go. He is a just God and will fight your battles on your behalf. He will vindicate the righteous.
I am not saying sweep everything under the carpet and do not confront injustice. Neither am I saying that people should not face the consequences of their actions (or inactions). I am saying, don’t let unforgiveness take root in your heart and keep you from experiencing the joy of the Lord. Don’t hold onto grievances for years on end. Let God and let love take hold and guide you. God can give you the grace to forgive, no matter how hard it might be. He helped me.
Don’t miss out on life, carrying burdens you were not meant to bear. Forgive and walk in love.
Selah.
